What's an Empath? The Science of Highly Sensitive People

Hi. Welcome here today. I want to do an exploration today in what it means to be an empath. And why this rich, wonderful emotional experience of being an empath can actually feel like a curse. Can actually feel at times like a nightmare. You know, where all we want to do is numb away our feelings. Be someone entirely different than who we really are.

And make sure you listen all the way to the end, because I got something free that I want to give you. Now, let me ask you this: Have you ever felt that at times you're taking in other people's emotions? And but the thing is, it's like their emotions become your own, where you can struggle with separating what you are feeling on your side from what someone else is feeling or experiencing.

EbIt's like they come together and you don't know, Where do I begin? Where do I end? Where do they begin? Where do they end? Right? Or what about this? Do you ever walk into a crowded room and there's this immediate flood of overwhelm? It's like your radar's on and you’re... you’re sensing the different stories and conversations going around and you don't quite know, you know, how to take on the engagement with with the group of people in the room.

Where do you start? Where do you begin? Or let's say you're in a different scenario and there are two people fighting. They're arguing about something and it might not even be all that loud, but there’s conflict going on between them. And somewhere it comes right inside you, almost right in your bones, and you feel it. And it may even take a while to try and get present, you know, with whatever you should actually be doing.

Well, you know, if these are your experiences, this is often referred to as... I want you to get this. It's referred to as the “Empath’s Curse”. The empath’s curse, Right. It's like we feel so much that we absorb kind of like a sponge where we take in everything that's going on around us and right into our nervous systems.

And the thing is, for empaths... well, it's more than that. It's like we we take that right into our life and the lives of others come into us and it becomes into our mind, into our hearts, our souls, right into what we would term as our very being. Now, I know that for some of you listening, you might say, “Oh my God, that sounds really airy fairy.”

You know, but for those of us who are seasoned empaths, we get this. It's it's how we live our days. And most often right from when we were a young child. Now, I want you to hear this. There are three traits that are common to empaths, especially emotional empaths. And this is based on my own clinical research and study and counselling practice of over 30 years.

And these three traits are here. First, all empathic people have a more sensitive nervous system. Science has proven this. We know this without a doubt to be true. But secondly, we're also high in intuition. And then thirdly, we have a deep concern for other people.

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Now, what this means is that empathy really matters for us. And so let's say when we're witnessing bullying, you know, when we were kids on the playground and this kind of bullying that happened, it made us sick to our stomachs because we wondered why be so mean and cruel that that just made no sense.

And often to kids who were innocent, you know, who were different, maybe even themselves empathic children. So this is what we did. We hid ourselves away as empaths, right from being children, hoping to not get bullied or picked on and not just at school. Sometimes we did this even in our homes with our parents who didn't get us. Right? Or, who didn't know how to accept us in the sensitivity we had.

You see, we have often worked so hard as empaths to fit in just to be accepted, just to feel safe. Now, I'm often asked... I'm often asked how we can detect other empaths around us and because often as empaths, we're looking to expand our our friendship circles. We want to find other people who get life the way we do.

But here's the deal. There is no one global, outward obvious expression for being an empath. Because empaths, we can be introverted. We can be extroverted. We can be Type B personalities, you know, like kind of easygoing, flexible, relaxed. But empaths can also be Type-A personalities, highly active, real go-getters, competitive. And empaths can also be this: They can be highly expressive emotionally... or not at all.

Empaths can be quiet, reserved, and very soft spoken. Because we need to know this: Being an empath is really about what happens in our... in our internal world that helps to define what being an empath is, including the ways that our nervous system works and also the way that we process emotions and the way we think about the world and ourselves.

So it is very, very different from non-empaths. Now... So let me check in with you. How are you doing so far? Is there anything that I’ve shared that you can relate with? If so, you know what, you are in the right place and I hope that you're able to find a home here as I keep sharing and expanding all of this together with you.

Now, some of you’ve asked me how I knew that I was an empath. Well, initially, you know what? I'm going to be really honest with you. I rejected the term empath now, not because it didn't fit. Right? It's not because it didn't fit with who I am, but because this negative, judgmental view that I encountered with the term empath around me.

So I lived with this inner tension. On one hand, feeling like I was supposed to reject my empathic nature because of the stigma, especially, and even from colleagues in my own field of clinical counselling where this intellectual, this analysis was viewed as superior to all other human experience, especially to emotions. And where I was actually told that it was our job, right in my studies, right in the mentorship of clinical counselling and therapy, I was told that our job as clinical professionals was to help clients, who paid too much attention to their emotions, to develop more rational ways to live and see life.

I was taught that deeply feeling people needed to understand that their emotions were the problem to most of their issues, and including even when they experienced depression and anxiety. But here's the thing. For empathic people, what I have discovered is that the issue is not with our emotions, that the problem is not with being an empath... but the problem is primarily, first of all, with this arrogant judgment of labeling sensitive people as inferior and that my own profession had not done.

You might hear me a bit angry with this, but they had not done their due diligence to actually apply themselves to learn better skills, to help empathic people, to help empathic people navigate their rich emotional worlds with self-compassion and with skills tailor-made to their unique wiring. And that's when I had this righteous anger that kind of rose up inside me, you know, this powerful voice that wanted to challenge this shame put on us as empaths.

It was then that I knew I had not only to embrace my deep feelings, but also to stand against the stigma that I had to say no to the shame for being sensitive. Where we are today now, I take really great pride in my empathic nature and and no one is going to be able to put me down for it. Now...

But here is our dilemma. You know what? We are not simple. We're quite complex because there is something we as empaths, we can author a lot of our own suffering. It is true, right? So some of this internalizing of the shame that has been communicated to us from others, we absorb that and we may live with this fear, this worry about ourselves.

And we got to know how to set boundaries to this, how to stand up and put that out of our lives. And I'm here to help you with that. And... but some of it can also be this lack of skills that we need to discover, to know, to learn with around like, what the heck are we supposed to do with all that we do indeed feel inside. Because this is here's the thing: It can feel and it does feel at times that this is more like a curse of being so sensitive. But you see, I don't think that it's... it's because something is innately wrong with us, as the deep, deeply feeling people we are. You know, I think that there are a lot of skills, a lot of tools that are thrown at us that that that can be good but are not enough to help us thrive.

You see, I believe that empaths will heal differently... and that empaths we thrive differently, that we need to embrace who we are. Not by feeling less, but by actually diving right into our emotional experiences, diving right into our intuitive experiences, into the immense empathy we feel, even for people who live on the other side of the world that we heard... they were struggling, but we've never met. Because that's how we operate, right? And and to approach this kind of like a plotter with clay working with all of this wondrous mess, to create something really beautiful for ourselves, so so that we can navigate these experiences with skill and find meaning in what we feel. To use our creativity in making this world a better place.

But instead, you know what? We are told that we are too much, that our emotions are dumb. And I say NO to the shame. You see, when we know how to embrace our empathic nature, well, we can discover that it is something to be proud of where we don't need to hide it. Because when you have the right people in your life, you won't be judged.

You'll have people who know how to see you, who feel you, who join with you, and know how to journey alongside you as the complex person you are, and as the loving and generous, reserved and fiery person that you are. Because being an empath, it really helps us feel alive. I think it's something really, really wonderful and remember that I also struggled with accepting myself as an empath because of the negative stigma around it.

But since then I have chosen to embrace my empathic nature and stand against the stigma. So how do we truly embrace well, being an empath? It starts with recognizing our sensitivity that it's a source of strength, that as empaths, we have this incredible ability to feel deeply in the perception of emotion, that that we don't just feel happy mad sad.

We can feel three, four, five emotions all at the same time around experiences. And because of this, this allows us to connect in unique ways with ourselves, with other people, with the world around us, with our careers, how we feel about the future, where we would want, or wish the world to be going. Now, if you want to know more, I want to give you something that can help you really embrace your empathic side and shed the shame.

It's a FREE Checklist of "20 Signs that You're an Empath” and you can grab it at www.SmartEmpath.com/quiz that's... SmartEmpath.com/quiz . Because you know what? I'm dedicated to championing your sensitivity and helping you do the same because I see it as a superpower. I'm not kidding.

By embracing it, you can spread kindness and understanding in a world that desperately needs it. This has become a toxic world and we need more empathy, not less. We need more sensitivity, not less. We need more empaths who rise up, walk tall with unshakable confidence in their message of togetherness and love, not less. And if this resonates with you, you know what?

Feel free to like and subscribe and join me on this journey of embracing our empathic abilities. And don't forget to grab your free download at www.SmartEmpath.com/quiz . Love and Peace be to you all. And you know what? Let's build a powerful community of like-minded, generous, big-hearted, empathic people.

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Grab this FREE Ebook and Discover: "20 SIGNS You're an Empath"

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Transcript for VIDEO SmartEmpath®

What's an Empath? Blessing or Curse

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