Transcript for SmartEmpath™ Podcast Episode 01

Authenticity for an Empath: Search for Meaning - Emotional Connection, Intimacy & Love

LISTEN HERE: www.smartempath.com/episode01 

It’s time to shed the shame of being you, of being a deeply feeling and empathic person. Of feeling like you’re a bird flying on clipped wings, that makes you live far below your potential.

You deserve to fully embrace your compassionate spirit and intuitive nature. Because you know what? As an empath you possess something very special. You possess “Empathic Intelligence”.

Let me say that again: You possess something very special - Empathic Intelligence. And this special kind of intelligence is living right inside of you. It’s been their since birth. And it’s truly your greatest untapped resource - a resource of unlimited potential. 

But you know what else is true? As empaths we are systematically criticized for being the deeply feeling, Intuitive and generous people we are. We are made to believe - even as children - that something is innately wrong with us, for being so deeply feeling, for being more sensitive than others. 

And the thing is this: when we listen to this criticism, we experience a sense of shame about who we are. A shame that clips our wings. A shame that gets embedded deep inside of us and is experienced as - Identity Trauma.

That is a wound in our identity that will make us live well below what we could be if we embraced and lived according to our true self. 

And I’m here to help you break free from this kind of oppression and to know how to thrive as the empathic and wonderful person you are. 

And, let me describe it as this. Listen carefully:

I've flown too long upon clipped wings,

Afraid to soar, afraid to sing,

But now I see the world anew,

And in my heart, the skies turn blue.

For in the mountains and the trees,

I find the truth. that sets me free,

The birds that sing, the winds that blow,

Remind me of the true self I know.

And today, in this very first episode of the SmartEmpath™ Podcast, we’re going to explore this: Authenticity: the Key to an Empath's Happiness.

I’m Michael Haggstrom, Doctor in Counselling, an expert in trauma, anxiety and relationships with over 30 years counselling experience. And this is the SmartEmpath™ Podcast. 

I teach compassionate people the high-level skills on how to heal their trauma and learn how to live fearlessly aligned with their empathic nature, their core values and true life purpose. So they can be their most authentic self that is meant to fly free. To live life on our terms while still being a deeply compassionate and caring person. Because you know what? Empaths heal differently.

And if you want to really explore more about all of this, I have something for you. 

It’s a free StarterGuide ebook entitled 

“Thriving as a SmartEmpath: the Secrets No One is Telling You”.

You can download it at www.smartempath.com/ebook

That’s smartempath.com/ebook

In there. you’ll find all kinds of articles, assessments and inspiration to help you begin exploring what it means to thrive as a deeply feeling and intuitive person. So go ahead and download it now, or later on if you’d like.

Authenticity. When you hear this word, what comes to mind? Authenticity. Today it’s so talked about, but yet so misunderstood. Some people think authenticity is simply speaking your mind. 

Imagine this - a couple comes in for therapy where the wife is very outspoken and her husband, even though he’s a big man, freezes when she speaks to him. Because her words are very cutting, verbally abusive. And after she rebukes him, she’d ends by saying something like this, “Well, at least I’m authentic I speak my mind. I tell it like it is. And you just sit there. Don’t you have anything to say?” 

Her husband looks down at his lap confused, frozen and unable to speak. You see, he is in a state of overwhelm. Probably dissociating.

Well imagine now that as their therapist, I just can’t let this go. So I say this to her, “You seem to think that being authentic is to blurt out whatever comes to mind even if it’s critical and verbally abusive.” 

She nods as I speak and continue my thought process: “Well then does that mean that your authenticity is that of a critical and abusive person? In other words, are you authentically a verbally abusive person. That that is your true self.” 

Well, you might not dare to do this, but in my therapy office, I’m very upfront with my clients. My clients pay me not to agree with them and be nice. They pay me to be kind yes, but also real. And often, clients listen not immediately at first they may feel offended. But then they realize that I’m really trying to help and that their definition of authenticity is limited. And this gives us the opportunity to take the therapeutic process a lot deeper to what really matters.

You see authenticity begins inside. It’s that sense that we can all have of who we really are. And this is especially important to empaths. You see, many other personality types may be okay putting on a front, wearing a mask, playing a game. But empaths will experience a great deal of anxiety every time they fail to be their true self. 

And this anxiety - believe it or not - is actually our ally. Because this anxiety is the inner tension of our true authentic self calling us, inviting us, toward doing live differently. Being something other than what we’ve been until now. Letting go of the fake and living life more aligned with our deepest needs and wants.

And if you downloaded the ebook “Thriving as an Empath: The Secrets No One is Telling You”, go to page 5.

And if you don’t have it yet, remember that you can grab it at www.smartempath.com/ebook . 

There on page 5, I’ve created a survey that you can take right now on: THE 20 SIGNS YOU’RE AN EMPATH. 

If you have it in front of you go ahead and complete it now. And if you can’t do it now, don’t worry, you can always grab it later on. You’re still get a lot out of today’s episode. 

What you’ll see in this survey is that empaths are highly intuitive and can often sense another person’s needs and feelings, even before that person says anything. 

Empaths can also enjoy being with others, but need alone time so they can find themselves again. Why? Well, because empaths are like sponges absorbing what’s around them. The good and the negative.

These experiences make an empath feel very much alive, but they can also be a burden. And it can make an empath feel very overwhelmed, more so than other personality types. And this is why as empaths we require tailor-made skills so we can thrive. Because empaths thrive differently.

But you know what, growing up as empathic children - how many of us had parents or other mentors who made it okay to be authentic? I mean to really be authentic as empaths? Who made it okay to feel deeply? To be expressive in the way we needed? To do the activities that made sense to us, or even be allowed to have a say in how we wanted needed life to be?

So many empathic children live their childhoods as an extension of their parents’ own will - where the empathic child exists to fulfill their parent unmet needs. To be involved in the activities the parents want. Or to be their parents’ comfort when they are stressed or depressed. Or at least to not be too much of a bother.

Now, I know it’s not easy being a parent. I’ve raised four children myself, including being a full-time single parent to my children when my youngest was just 13 years old. 

But we need to hear this - even as it’s hard to be a parent, it’s ever harder being an empathic child to parents who lack the attunement - who lack the attunement needed for an empathic child to thrive. Because empathic children thrive differently. 

And we need a certain kind of coaching and mentoring to take up our place in this world with confidence and strength.

But you know what? Most empaths I’ve met have experienced trauma from their attachment figures - including parents, teachers and their peer groups at school. This trauma comes in the form of discounting the empath, making them feel that something is wrong with them - like they’re weird, too sensitive. And this can either be direct with actual words spoken to the child, or it can be indirect by ignoring or discounting the child’s deeper needs for connection and self-expression.

And when this happens, the empathic child will develop what is known as - insecure attachment - Anxious attachment. Avoidant attachment. Or disorganized attachment. 

And each of these is a strategy the child takes on to cope with a world that failed to be there for them as they needed. 

Children don’t come in the world with an attachment disorder. Children come in quite confident. The new born baby is assertive with their needs. Crying until those needs are met. But something happens between that first day a child comes into the world and then as they grow up.

If you developed an attachment disorder, it’s not an indication that something is wrong with you. It’s actually an indication that somewhere your environment failed you. Failed to be there for you in the way you needed.

But I actually think it’s much deeper. You see, I don’t think it’s fair to label this as exclusively an attachment disorder with others. And I really want you to hear this - Because when you understand this your life as an empath can really change. 

And this is one of the primary focuses of what it means to be a SmartEmpath™. In other words, when you get what I’m about to share with you right now, you can really get on a path to become that bird who no longer flies on clipped wings - who no longer gives their power away to everyone else.

So here it is - when the environment that an empathic child grows up in fails to see the empath for who they are; fails to champion and mentor them in their intuition, open-mindedness, compassion and creativity; and instead, shames them - I believe the empathic child develops  first and foremost an attachment disorder with themselves. Or what I call “Identity Trauma".

That is a trauma that damages and takes the empath away from feeling safe to be their true authentic self. 

And if you downloaded my free ebook on Thriving as a SmartEmpath, you’ll find a Checklist in Part 2 around pages 17, 18 and 19 of:

“TEN Characteristics that Empaths Often Have Right from Birth”

And I really want you to look these over when you get the chance. It’s validating to know yourself. Validating to acknowledge what it means to be empathic. To embrace this empathic intelligence that is so deeply wired in our minds, emotions and even nervous systems. 

You see being an empath is not just a personality trait - it is who we are right to the very core of our being.

And if we’re going to be free as empaths, we will need to heal and develop the unique tailor-made skills that work specifically for us. Because empaths thrive and heal differently.

And there is so much in this world that tries to clip our wings and make us live a life that is unfulfilling. You see, as empaths we have deeper needs than a lot of other people who share this world of ours.

Now, there is so much that is wonderful in this world. So many wonderful people. Beautiful ways in which society has evolved. So much amazing diversity and colour. And ways we can express ourselves. And all the contributions people have made into this world. With Innovations. Technologies that have simplified life. It really is a wonderful place to live. This shared planet that is earth: Our Home. 

But I want to say this. Some of the people in the world do not have the interest of others truly at heart. They are there to take. And it’s that world that empaths struggle with - the fabricated world of fake and manipulation was not made by empaths or for empaths.  

If empaths had been left to run world affairs well, we wouldn’t have needed free trade agreements, because we’d share our resources freely. Now, we all might still be running around in loin clothes and living in tents or huts - but we’d have focused on the deeper things in life and we’d have put away violence.

You see as empathic children, violence like bullying makes no sense to us. Empaths value community - community that is accepting and supportive. For example, if the entire world were full of empaths, we wouldn’t need to stand up for minority rights because as empaths there’d be a greater natural acceptance of others.

You see, empaths are the most open-minded people you’ll ever meet. And it’s often there right as a child. This non-judgemental mindset that is naturally curious about other people - about who they are - about their thoughts, ideas and feelings. Where the race, faith, orientation or sexual preference is not at the forefront of their thought. 

Because empaths, when they see someone, they see the person within the physical form. They see people as individuals with the right to journey on their own individual path of self-discovery and exploration. And they want to champion each person’s right to self-determination and self-expression while still knowing how to live in harmony with everyone else. 

Now what I’ve described may seem to you to be quite idealist. And that’s true. Empaths have a boundless sense of idealism and this idealism is future-focused. It’s an idealism that makes the empath want to help create a world that is a better, kinder place. 

For the empath, this just shouldn’t be so hard . But we live in a world that is full of toxic people. Toxic people who are bold - who know what they want and who are takers. And these toxic people, often narcissists, are drawn to the empath.

And if you have your ebook on Thriving as a SmartEmpath open right now go to PART 3, around page 21 where you can read all about this. 

You see, as empaths, we love to give. It’s just who we are. And narcissists know this. And because narcissists are so self-absorbed, empaths make the perfect partner for THEM. But it will be a one-sided relationship, where you as an empath will give a lot and you won’t get much in return.

I know what it’s like to be there. It’s hard. It’s tough And maybe as you’re listening to this, you relate. You’ve been in one-sided relationships with people who didn’t see you - who haven’t really been interested in helping to meet your needs. Or maybe you’ve been confused about what you’re needs are. Maybe even since childhood. Well know this, you’re not alone. 

And you’re in the right place. I want to journey with you and your feedback is valuable. I want to create a dynamic community of fellow empaths. Empaths dedicated to learning how to thrive in this world how to be free in our true authentic selves. 

This is the goal of the SmartEmpath™ methods that I teach. Methods that I’ve been teaching for over 30 years that are specifically designed for the empath. Methods that focus on learning and growing in 5 key areas that make up the word SMART. 

S for Self-Compassion. You see SmartEmpaths™ know how to accept their our own humanity with kindness and understanding - no matter what we’ve gone through. 

M for Mental Resilience. Having the ability as a SmartEmpath™ to navigate all of your life experiences while maintaining a healthy thought life, free of negative self-talk. Having a strong mind. 

A for Authentic Alignment because SmartEmpaths™ know how to have their actions, thoughts and feelings be consistently in harmony with their values, life purpose and true self. 

R for Relational Intelligence where the SmartEmpath™ ends codependency and is able to champion their needs in relationships effectively. Creating mutuality with the right people. 

And T for Therapeutic Healing where the SmartEmpath™ is able to effectively heal their trauma at the deepest levels Reclaim their true self and develop healing practice that are self-empowering. 

Now I went through the really quick, didn’t I? Don’t worry if you didn’t catch all of that. As you stay with me on this journey, I’ll be teaching you more and more about each of the 5 key areas and what it means to be a SmartEmpath™. 

To become expert in Self-Compassion, Mental Resilience, Authentic Alignment, Relational Intelligence and Therapeutic Healing. 

Because you see empaths heal differently. And I want you to take from this first episode is that YOU MATTER. And you deserve to be championed, knowing that nothing of your empathic nature has ever been wrong. 

Now, let me leave you with this full length poem that I wrote entitled : 

IN MY NATURE

I've flown too long upon clipped wings,

Afraid to soar, afraid to sing,

But now I see the world anew,

And in my heart, the skies turn blue.

For in the mountains and the trees,

I find the truth that sets me free,

The birds that sing, the winds that blow,

Remind me of. the true self I know.

I am the eagle soaring high,

A fearless warrior in the sky.

I glide upon the winds of time,

And in the sun's warm rays I shine.

I am red robin singing bright,

The sparrow swirling with delight,

I am green leaves that dance in breeze,

And in my nature, I find ease.

So let me fly, and let me sing,

Embracing all my nature brings,

Where I am raw, and I am real,

Deep in my soul begin to heal.

I shed the weight. of fear and shame,

My empathic heart, I now reclaim.

To be authentic, wild and free,

Where in my nature, I find me.

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed this first episode of the SmartEmpath™ Podcast. I look forward to our continued journey together. 

And be sure to subscribe, so you can be alerted about each new episode right when it gets created. 

And don’t forget to download your free StarterGuide ebook on :

“Thriving as a SmartEmpath: the Secrets No One is Telling You” at www.smartempath.com/ebook 

I’m Michael Haggstrom, Doctor in Counselling and so happy to have spent this time with you. May love and peace be with you.

Authenticity for an Empath: Search for Meaning - Emotional Connection, Intimacy & Love

LISTEN HERE: www.smartempath.com/episode01