What is Authenticity? Your Key to Happiness as a SmartEmpath™

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It's time to shed the shame of being you. Being you as an empath. Of being a deeply feeling and empathic person. Of feeling like you're a bird flying on clipped wings that makes you live far below your potential. You see, you deserve to fully embrace your compassionate spirit and intuitive nature, because you know what? As an empath, you possess something very special.

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You possess empathic intelligence. Now, let me say that again. You possess something very special, empathic intelligence. And this special kind of intelligence, It's living right inside of you. It's been there since birth, and it's truly your greatest untapped resource, a resource of unlimited potential. But you know what else is true as empaths, we are systematically criticized for being the deeply feeling intuitive and generous people we are.

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We're made to believe, even as children, that something is innately wrong with us for being the way we are, for being more sensitive than others. And the thing is this when we listen to this criticism, we're going to experience a sense of shame about who we are, a shame that is going to clip our wings, a shame that gets embedded deep inside of us.

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And it's experienced as this “Identity Trauma” that is a wound in our identity that makes us live well below what we could be if we embraced and lived according to our true self, our true empathic nature. And I'm here to help you break free, break free from this kind of oppression and to know how to live, how to thrive as the empathic and wonderful person you are.

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And let me describe it as this. Listen carefully to this short poem. I've flown too long upon clipped wings. Afraid to soar, afraid to sing. But now I see the world anew. And in my heart, the skies turn blue. For in the mountains and the trees, I find the truth that sets me free. The birds that sing,

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the winds that blow. Remind me of the true self., I know. And today, in this very first episode of the SmartEmpath™ Podcast, we're going to explore this Authenticity, because Authenticity is the Key to an Empath’s Happiness. Well, I'm Michael Haggstrom, Doctor in Counselling, an expert in trauma, anxiety and relationships. And I have over 30 years counselling experience.

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And this is the SmartEmpath Podcast. And here I teach compassionate people the high level skills on how to heal their trauma and learn how to live fearlessly aligned with their empathic nature, their core values and true life purpose so that we can all be our true, authentic self that is meant to fly free, to live life on our terms, while still being a deeply compassionate and caring person.

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Because you know what? Empaths heal differently. And if you really want to explore more about all of this, I have something for you. It's a Free Starter Guide E-book entitled : “Thriving as an Empath: The Secrets No One Is Telling You”. You can go ahead and download it at SmartEmpath.com/e-book that is SmartEmpath.com/e-book.
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And in there you're going to find all kinds of articles, assessments and inspiration that can help you explore what it means to thrive as a deeply feeling and intuitive person. So go ahead if you can and download it right now or later on if you like. And don't worry, if you can't right now, you're still going to get a lot out of today.
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All right. Authenticity. When you hear this word, what comes to mind? Authenticity. Today, it's... it's so talked about, and yet so misunderstood. So people often think authenticity, is well, speaking your mind. Right. Imagine this. A couple comes in for therapy where the wife is very outspoken. Her husband, even though he's a big man, he freezes up when she speaks to him. Because her words are very cutting, verbally abusive.
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And after she rebukes him, right in session in front of the therapist, she ends up saying something like this, “Well, at least I'm authentic. I speak my mind. I tell it like it is. And you just sit there. Don't you have anything to say?” Well, her husband looks down at his lap, confused, frozen, and unable to speak.

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You see, he is in a state of overwhelmed, probably dissociating. Well, imagine now that as their therapist, let's imagine I'm that therapist. I just can't let this go. So I say this to her, “You know, you seem to think that being authentic is to blurt out whatever comes to mind, even if it's critical and verbally abusive”. And she nods as I speak, and I continue with my thought process.

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“Well, then, does that mean that your authenticity is that of a critical and abusive person? In other words, are you authentically a verbally abusive person? That this is your true self?” Well, you know, you might not dare to do this, but in my therapy office, I'm very upfront with my clients. My clients pay me to not just agree with them and be nice.

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They pay me to be kind, yes. But also real. Often clients listen not immediately. At first they may feel a bit offended, but then they realize that I'm really trying to help and that their definition of authenticity is limited. And that then gives us a chance, an opportunity to really take the therapeutic process a lot deeper to what really matters.

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You see authenticity. It actually begins inside. It's that sense that we can all have of who we really are. And this is especially important for empaths. You see many other personality types. They might be okay putting on a front. Wearing a mask. Playing a game. But empaths are going to experience a great deal of anxiety every time they fail to be their true self.

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And this anxiety, believe it or not, is actually our ally because this anxiety is this inner tension of our authentic... true authentic self calling us, inviting us toward doing life differently, being something other than what we've been until now, and letting go of the fake and learning how to live life aligned with our deepest needs and wants. And, you know, if you did download the e-book “Thriving as an Empath”, I want you to go to Page 5.

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And if you don't have it again, remember that you can always grab it later on at SmartEmpath.com/e-book and there... around Page 5. I've created a survey that you can take right now, The 20 Signs that You Are an Empath” and if you have it right in front of you, go ahead and complete it now as you continue listening.

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Okay? And again, if you can't get it, you can always grab it later on. You're still going to get a lot of today's episode. Well, what you're going to see in the survey is this that empaths are highly intuitive and can sense often another person's needs and feelings, even before that person says anything. You see empaths also, as you see there, enjoy being with others, but they're going to need a lot of alone time to find themselves again.

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Why? Because, well, empaths, their like sponges absorbing what's around them, the good and the negative and these experiences... experiences really make an empath feel, feel very much alive. But they can also be a burden and it can make an empath feel really very overwhelmed more than other personality types. And this is why as empaths, we require tailor-made skills so we can thrive because empaths thrive differently.

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But you know what? Growing up as an empathic child, how many of us really had parents or other mentors who made it okay to be authentic? I mean, to really be authentic as empaths who made it okay, to feel deeply, to be expressive in the way that we needed, to do the activities that made sense to us or even be allowed to have a say in how we wanted or needed life to be.

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You know, so many empathic children live their childhoods as an extension of their parents’ own will, where the empathic child exists then to fulfill their parents’ unmet needs, to be involved in the activities the parents wanted or to be their parents comfort when they were stress or depressed, or at least to not be too much of a bother. Now I know

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it's not easy to be a parent, right? I've raised four children myself, including being a full-time single parent to my children when my youngest was 13 years old. But we need to hear this. Even as it's hard to be a parent, it's even harder being an empathic child to parents who lack the attunement, who lack the attunement needed for an empathic child to thrive because empathic children thrive differently.

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And we need a certain kind of coaching and mentoring to take up our place in this world with confidence and fearless strength. Because you know what? Most empaths I meant I've met have experienced trauma from their attachment figures, including parents, teachers and their peer groups at school. This trauma comes in the form of... of discounting the empath, making them feel that something is is wrong with them.

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Like they're weird, too sensitive. And this can either be direct with actual words spoken to the child or it can be indirect by ignoring or discounting the child's deeper needs for connection and self-expression. And when this happens, the empathic child is going to develop what is known as insecure attachment: anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or disorganized attachment. And each of these is a strategy that the child takes on to cope with a world that failed to be there for them as they needed.

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You see, children don't come in the world with an attachment disorder, right? Children come in quite confident, especially as babies. That newborn baby is assertive with their needs, crying until their needs are met. But something happens between that first day that a baby comes into the world and then as they grow up. If you developed an attachment disorder, it's not an indication that something is wrong with you.

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It's actually an indication that somewhere your environment failed you. Failed to be there for you in the way you need it. But I actually think it's much deeper. You see, I don't think it's fair to label this as exclusively an attachment disorder with others. And I really want you to hear this because when you understand this, your life as an empath can really change.

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And this is one of the primary focuses of what it means to be a SmartEmpath™. In other words, when you get what I'm about to share with you right now, you can really get on a path to become that bird who no longer flies on clipped wings. Who no longer lives... gives their power away to everyone else.

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So here it is. When the environment that an empathic child grows up in fails to see the empath for who they are, fails to champion and mentor them in their intuition, open mindedness, compassion and creativity and instead shames them. I believe that empathic child develops, first and foremost, an attachment disorder with themselves, or what I call “Identity Trauma”.

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And this is a trauma that damages and takes the empath away from feeling safe to be their true, authentic self. And if you did grab the e-book on “Thriving as a SmartEmpath”, you're going to now find a CHECKLIST. It's in Part Two, around pages 17, 18 and 19 of “The 10 Characteristics that Empaths can have Right from Birth”.

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And I really want you to look these over when you get a chance. It's so validating to know yourself. Validating to acknowledge what it means to be empathic, and to embrace this empathic intelligence that is so deeply wired in our minds, our emotions, and even nervous systems. You see, being an empath is not just a personality trait. It is who we are right to the very core of our being.

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And if we're going to be free of an empaths we will need to heal and develop the unique tailor-made skills that work specifically for us. Because empaths thrive and heal differently. And there is so much in this world that really tries to clip our wings and make us live a life that is unfulfilling. You see us empaths,

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we have deeper needs than a lot of other people who... who share this world... this world of ours. Now, on a positive note, there is really so much that is wonderful in this world, right? So many wonderful people, wonderful ways in which society has evolved. So much amazing diversity, cultures, colors, music and... and ways that we can express ourselves, and all the contributions that people have made in this world, even innovations and technologies that have really simplified our life.

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It really is a wonderful place to live. This shared planet Earth. Our home. But I want to say this: Some of the people in this world do not have the interests of others truly at heart. They are there to take. And it’s with that world that empaths struggle with. The fabricated world of fake and manipulation. It was not made by empaths, or for empaths.

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You know, I often joke like this: If empaths had been left to run world affairs. Well, you know what? We wouldn't have needed free trade agreements because we would share our resources freely. Now, we all might still be running around in loincloths and living in tents or huts, but we'd have focused, as empaths, on the deeper things of life.

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And we also would have put away violence. You see, as empathic children, things like violence, or bullying really make no sense to us. Empaths value community... community that is accepting and supportive. For example, if the entire world were full of empaths, we wouldn't need to stand up for minority rights because as empaths, we really have a greater natural sense of acceptance of others.

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You see, empaths are the most open-minded people you're ever going to meet, and that's often their right as a child. This nonjudgmental mindset that is naturally curious about other people, about who they are, about their thoughts, ideas and feelings, where the person's race, faith, orientation, sexual preference is not at the forefront of our thought because empaths... when they see someone, they see the person within the physical form.

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They see people as individuals with the right to journey on their own independent path of self-discovery and exploration. And they want to champion each person's right to self-determination and self-expression while still knowing how to live in harmony with everyone else. Now, what I've described may seem to you to be quite idealistic, and that is true. Empaths have a boundless sense of idealism, and this idealism is future focused.

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It's an idealism that makes the empath want to help create a world that is better and a kinder place. You see, for the empath, this just should not be so hard. But we live in a world where there also are toxic people, toxic people who are bold, who know what they want, who are takers. And these toxic people, often narcissists, they're drawn to the empath.

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And if you have your e-book on “Thriving as a SmartEmpath™” open right now go to Part Three, around 20 or page 21 where you can read all about this. You see, as empaths we love to give. It's just who we are and narcissists, they know this. And because narcissists are so self-absorbed, empaths make the perfect partner for them.

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But it's going to be a one-sided relationship. Where you as an empath, you're going to give a lot and you're not going to get much in return, if anything. I know what it's like to be there. It's hard, it's tough, and maybe as you're listening to this, you relate. You've been at times, maybe even right now in a one-sided relationship with someone who doesn't see you, who really isn't interested in helping to meet your needs.

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Or maybe you've been confused about what your needs really are, maybe even since childhood. Well know this: You're not alone and you're in the right place. I want to journey with you and your feedback is valuable. I want to create a dynamic community, of fellow empaths. Empaths dedicated to learning how to thrive in this world, how to be free in our authentic self, our true selves.

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And this is the goal of the SmartEmpath™ methods that I teach, methods that I've been teaching for over 30 years. They are specifically designed for the empath. Methods that focus on learning and growing in five key areas that make up the word S.M.A.R.T.
S for Self-Compassion. You see, SmartEmpaths™ know how to accept their own humanity with kindness and understanding. No matter what

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we've gone through.
M for Mental Resilience. Having the ability as a SmartEmpath™ to navigate all of life circumstances, experiences - positive, negative - and maintain a healthy thought life free of negative talk, negative self-talk and having a strong mind.
A is for Authentic Alignment because SmartEmpaths™ know how to have their actions, thoughts and feelings consistently in harmony with their values,

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life purpose and true self .
R is for Relational Intelligence where the SmartEmpath™ ends codependency. And is able to champion their needs and relationships effectively creating mutual loyalty with the right people.
And T for Therapeutic Healing where the SmartEmpath™ is able to effectively heal their trauma at the deepest levels and reclaim their true self and develop healing practices that are self-empowering.

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Now, I went through this really quickly, didn't I? So don't worry if you didn't catch all of that as you stay with me on this journey, I'm going to be teaching you more and more about each of these five key areas and really what it means to be a SmartEmpath™. To become an expert in Self-Compassion, Mental Resilience, Authentic Alignment, Relational Intelligence and Therapeutic Healing.

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Because you see empaths heal differently. And I want you to take this from today's episode, the first one, and that is that: You matter. And you deserve to be championed. That nothing of your empathic nature has ever been wrong. Now, let me leave you with this full length poem that I wrote, entitled: In My Nature.
In My Nature, I’ve flown too long upon clipped wings. Afraid to soar, afraid to sing.

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But now I see the world anew. And in my heart, the skies turn blue. For in the mountains and the trees, I find the truth that sets me free. The birds that sing, the winds that blow. Remind me of the true self I know. I am the eagle soaring high. A fearless warrior in the sky. I glide upon the winds of time, and in the sun's warm rays I shine. I am red robin singing bright. The sparrow swirling with delight. I am green leaves that dance in breeze.

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And in my nature I find ease. So let me fly and let me sing. Embracing all my nature brings. Where I am raw and I am real. Deep in my soul, begin to heal. I shed the weight of fear and shame. My empathic heart, I now reclaim. To be authentic, wild and free. Where in my nature, I find me.

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Well, I hope you've enjoyed this first episode of the SmartEmpath Podcast. I look forward to our continued journey together. And be sure to SUBSCRIBE so that you can be alerted about each new episode I'm going to be adding here, right when it gets created. And don't forget to download your free StarterGuide e-book on “Thriving as a SmartEmpath™: The Secrets no One Is Telling You.”

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You can find that again at SmartEmpath.com/e-book .
Well, I'm Michael Haggstrom, Doctor in Counselling. And I'm so happy to have spent this time with you. May love and peace be with you.